


First Kiss. Best Kiss. Last Kiss.

by fangirlfiction



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Kissing, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 01:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15697644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlfiction/pseuds/fangirlfiction
Summary: Word Count: 2.7k (I had a lot to say, oops)Warnings: sadness, angst, injuries, mentions of bloodPrompt: I kissed him once for desire, and twice to forget. Somehow, I still tasted you.Summary: Relationships can be defined with three kisses; the first kiss, the best kiss, and the last kiss.





	First Kiss. Best Kiss. Last Kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi hi hi, I’m back! Thank you all for being patient with me as I finished up my first college degree! I wrote this for a tumblr challenge, (@barnesrogersvstheworld) 1k challenge! Of course I’m coming back with angst because I’m great at making people sad. Also, requests are open, so feel free to send me one on tumblr!
> 
> (Italics are flashbacks)

_Gunshot rang all around you as you ran towards the rendezvous spot for the team. The mission went downhill quickly. Somehow, Hydra knew you were coming._

_You screamed in surprise as an explosion rang out right behind you, and you jumped behind a pile of rubble and ducked as a second explosion sent debris raining onto you. You heard someone running towards you, and you pulled your gun from your belt and waited with bated breath as the footsteps came closer. Right as the footsteps made it around the rubble, you lifted your gun and nearly fired, but a mop of dark hair made you hesitate. Bucky held out a hand with a soft smile and with a hurried tone, muttered, “C’mon, we’re almost there.”_

_You grab Bucky’s hand and he pulls you up, and you both keep running towards the rendezvous point together, hand in hand. A third grenade explodes right behind you and Bucky, the force of the explosion throwing you both to the side. You hit the ground with a groan, and you stay where you are, staring up at the sky, dazed from the blast. Bucky’s face appears in your vision a second later, and his expression is worried, brows pulled together and mouth set in a frown as you watch his lips moving, but you can’t hear anything over the ringing in your ears. Finally, his voice breaks through and you hear him ask, “Are you okay? Talk to me! Where are you hurt?”_

_He looks away from your face to scan your body for injuries, taking note of the weird angle of your wrist and the various cuts on your body. He reaches up and brushes his finger under a cut on your forehead, wiping the blood away with an expression of concern. You manage to stutter a reply over the nervous beating of your heart, your body blocking out everything other than the closeness of Bucky’s body to yours, and his breath hitting your face softly. “I-I’m fine.”_

_He takes you by surprise when he leans in and presses his lips to yours, hard. But he ends the kiss as quickly as he started it. He pulls away and looks at you before whispering, “Don’t scare me like that again. I don’t want to lose you.”_

_Your reply is cut off when you hear a concerned Steve yelling yours and Bucky’s name, his voice growing louder as he gets closer. His eyes scan Bucky quickly and then you as he asks, “Are you two okay?”_

_Bucky answers for you both. “We’re fine.”_

_“We have to go, Hydra is closing in. Everyone else is on the Quinjet already.”_

_Bucky turns to you and asks, “Can you stand?”_

_You nod and he pulls you to your feet gently, motioning for you to throw your arms around his and Steve’s shoulders. The best friends lead you back to the Quinjet quickly, and you’re in the sky and heading home before you have a second to think about the kiss again._

*

You sat on the floor of your shower, tears streaming down your face as the water ran over your back. A soft knock on the door made you turn to look in curiosity as it was pushed open slightly, and a voice floated towards you. “Hey. Uh, are you okay?”

The bitterness in your voice was apparent when you bit back your reply. “Did Bucky send you down here to check on me? Because you can tell him that he broke up with me, so he doesn’t have to worry about me anymore.”

You can tell your reply made Steve uncomfortable, and he is quiet before he replies, “I’ll just wait for you out here.”

The door closes with a soft click, and you turn and switch the water off before stepping out and drying off. You pull on your clothes quickly, but stop when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying, and exhaustion was starting to set in. You knew the quickest way out of a therapy session with Steve and into your bed to sleep was to plaster a smile on your face and hope he bought it.

When you stepped out of the bathroom, Steve was sitting on your bed, looking down at his hands in his lap. He stood when he saw you walk into the room, and you can feel his eyes scanning your body for signs of distress. You gesture for him to sit on the bed as you plop down next to him, and with a casual tone ask, “What’s up?”

“Are you okay? Bucky told me that you two broke up, and I’m worried about you.”

You shrug and offer him a smile. “I’m fine. Surprised, but fine.”

Steve eyes you suspiciously. “Wanda said she saw you crying earlier.”

“Steve, honestly. It’s no big deal. We were together and now we’re not.” You shrug.

You glance up at him to find that he’s already looking at you, scanning your face for any signs of deception. Suddenly, you’re all too aware of the closeness of his body. The smell of fresh mint from his toothpaste. The deep blue of his eyes, watching you closely. The shape of his perfect pink lips. And without thinking, you lean towards him and press your lips to his. You feel Steve freeze in place, surprised, before he recovers and melts into you. When you reach up to rest a hand on his cheek, he pulls away abruptly, staring at you in shock and confusion.

“I have to go.” He’s off the bed and out the door before you can protest.

**For desire for desire for desire.**

*****

_A knock on your bedroom door made you look up from where you were putting on your shoes with a smile. You pulled the strap through the clasp and secured it to your ankle quickly before walking over to the door and pulling it open. Bucky stood in front of you, hair pulled back and dressed in a tux, face adorned with a wide smile. It only grew wider when he saw the dress you carefully selected for the evening’s event. “You look beautiful. Breathtaking. Radiant.”_

_You smiled at him, a light blush on your cheeks. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Barnes.”_

_He held out his arm and you took it, tucking your hand into the crook of his elbow. He leads you to the stairs, both of you quiet with nerves. As you descended in the elevator, he nodded towards the cast on your other wrist. “Ya know, your dress helps distract from the cast at first, but there’s no hiding a bright yellow cast.”_

_You look at him with mock indignation. “I’m sorry, do you have something against the color yellow?”_

_“It’s bright. Kinda loud. Too cheery.”_

_You roll your eyes. “You’re not fooling me, Barnes. I know you like to put up this front that you are all dark anger and brooding hardness, but I know you’re just a big teddy bear.”_

_Bucky looks down at you with an expression you can’t read, before grabbing you and pulling you into a kiss. Every part of him floods your senses, his cologne, the cool metal of his fingers on your arm, the sweet taste of him. The elevator dings and he pulls away quickly. The doors slide open a moment later, revealing the party in full swing. You’re breathless, and you smile in satisfaction when you see that he is too. You grab his arm again and pull him from the elevator, a smile on your face when you tell him, “I’m gonna show you how to party like it’s 1999.”_

_*_

You fight to swallow the lump in your throat as you watch Bucky from across the room. His hair is down this time, brushing the shoulders of his tux, and he looks as miserable as you are to be at the party. The crowd has thinned some as the hours ticked by, and you steal another glance at your watch. _Nearly midnight._ In an attempt to quell their growing worry, you promised Wanda and Nat you’d stay at Tony’s party until midnight. One glance at Bucky and you’d be willing to bet he made Steve the same promise.

It had been two weeks since Bucky broke up with you and you kissed Steve, and you had been avoiding both like the plague. Eating meals in your room, only venturing out for meetings or missions, sneaking around the compound like a ghost. You kept begging Tony for a mission, somewhere far away, that would last weeks, but he kept denying your request. Something about being too emotionally compromised for something like that.

A high-pitched giggle pulled you from your thoughts and back to the party, and you scanned the room to find the source. Your eyes instinctively land on Bucky across the room, and you realize that the high-pitched giggle came from the gorgeous woman standing in front of him. You watched as she pulled him towards the dance floor, nausea washing over you. You set your glass on the bar behind you as tears begin to spill down your cheeks, and you hurry away from the party and towards the elevators. You press the elevator button repeatedly, willing it to move faster, sighing in relief when the doors finally slide open in front of you. You step in quickly and press the button to your floor, before leaning against the wall and allowing the tears to fall down your face. The elevator door is nearly closed when you hear Steve yell, “Wait!”

He shoves his arm between the closing doors, causing them to slide back open, revealing an awkward Steve. He steps in and pushes the button to his floor, arm brushing yours as he pulls away. He notices the tears on your face before you duck your head, and he’s courteous enough to keep any comments he has to himself. You wipe the tears from your cheeks and lean your head back, watching yourself in the mirrored ceiling of the elevator. Steve is close to you, and you can feel the discomfort radiating off him in waves. Unable to take it anymore, he sighs, causing you to look at him. He offers you a soft smile and gestures to your wrist, the break long forgotten now. “Last time we had a party like this, you had a cast.”

You hum in affirmation, unsure of what to say.

“I liked the yellow. It was bright. Cheery. A lot like you.”

Your eyes snap up to his at his words, Bucky’s voice echoing in your head. _It’s bright. Kinda loud. Too cheery._ He offers you another soft smile, and you move closer to him, grabbing his shoulders to crash his lips onto yours. He’s surprised, just like the first time, but he responds much quicker this time, wrapping his arms around you as you tangle your fingers in his hair. The elevator dings, and you jump away from Steve like he shocked you. You both stand apart, staring at each other, breathless. Unmoving. Silent.

The doors start to close again, and before they can trap you with Steve, you back out of them quickly, eyes locked on his the entire time. You hear the elevator pulling away, leaving you breathless and alone.

**To forget to forget to forget.**

*

_You slammed the door to Bucky’s room shut as you enter behind him, anger clouding the air around you both. He turns when he reaches the middle of the room, eyes narrowed, mouth set in a scowl. “Why do you always do that, huh? Why do you always put yourself in danger like that?”_

_You roll your eyes and cross your arms, “I wasn’t in danger! I’ve been in situations worse than that before.”_

_“That’s my point! Every mission we go on, you come back with more injuries than the rest of us.”_

_You sigh, “That doesn’t mean anything, Bucky. Injuries don’t always mean mortal danger.”_

_“With you they do.”_

_Your jaw drops, and you snap it closed before asking, “Okay, so what am I supposed to do then? Sit at home while you go on missions? Hang back and let all of you risk your lives while I stay safe? We’re Avengers, Bucky! We’re gonna get hurt! That’s the job.”_

_Bucky shakes his head. “No. It isn’t.”_

_“It is. You have to accept this.”_

_Another shake, and you watch a strand of hair fall free from his ponytail. “That’s not what I signed up for. I can’t do this anymore.”_

_You feel the air leave your lungs as you ask, “Do what?”_

_“This.” He gestures between the two of you. “I can’t stand by and watch you throw yourself into danger.”_

_You close the space between you quickly, and you place your hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at you. “What are you saying?”_

_“I’m sorry. I love you.” Tears well up in your eyes and fall down your face, and Bucky pulls you in for a kiss. He pulls away, tears in his own eyes. “I’m sorry.”_

_He steps away from you, and exits his room quickly, leaving you there in shock, quiet sobs shaking your body._

*

You run through the dilapidated castle, firing shots over your shoulder at every corner. Your mission had gone downhill quickly, ruined by bad intel. You saw a door ahead, and you charged towards it, slipping inside quickly. You stood there, panting from exertion, relieved to be alone for the first time in days. Yelling from outside the door caused you to back up in alarm, searching the room for an escape. “She has to be in here! The rest of the castle is clear!”

Finding no way out, you brace yourself for a gunfight as the men begin ramming the door. You can hear the wood of the door creaking and splintering, giving way quickly. When the door flies open, you start firing at every Hydra agent you see, praying that their bullets miss you when they fire in return. A bullet to your shoulder makes you cry out, and you take down the remaining agents with the adrenaline you have left, and when you see them hit the floor, you drop too. You pull yourself backwards, leaning against the wall and pressing your palm into the wound on your shoulder.

You don’t know how long you sit there, dazed from the loss of blood, before he finds you. But you’re relieved when you see him. You see his lips moving in front of you, but you struggle to focus on the words that leave his mouth. You force yourself to focus, and his words finally break through your confusion. “Are you okay?  Are you hurt?”

Your brain swims through memories, following his words to memories of another mission. The first of its kind. You give Bucky the same stuttered reply you gave him all that time ago. “I-I’m fine.”

Bucky looks at you and then at the wound on your shoulder, concern knitting his brows together. “Stay awake, alright? I don’t wanna lose you.”

Bucky’s face swims before you, fear written on his features. And you can’t help it, you miss him, you miss him, you miss him. You grab the front of his uniform and pull him forward, crashing his lips to yours. He pulls away quickly, creating some distance between you, but you’re confused when it’s Steve’s voice that reaches you instead. “No, we can’t. I can’t anymore. Bucky is my best friend.”

You look around the room, over the bodies of the fallen Hydra soldiers, over the trail of blood that stops at your feet, and back to Steve again. No Bucky in sight. He left you. For the same reason you were currently bleeding through Steve’s fingers, his palm pressed tightly to your wound. Bucky left you, and all you wanted was **to forget to forget to forget.**


End file.
